originally published on Crosscut.com on December 19, 2007

What’s in a name? For one, the formerly elegant “Katrina” has been purged from those names-for-your-baby books (and “Pete,” alas, is reserved exclusively for three-legged dogs). That’s what’s in a name. All the more reason for The Seattle Times to revive its U.S Weather Service-sponsored name-that-storm competition. Discrimination is key. An apocalyptic squall coinciding with a religious holiday, such as last year’s Hanukkah Eve Storm, smacks of Godhead vengeance. (Which is why we read about the “Nisqually Earthquake of 2001” rather than the “Ash Wednesday Quake.”) No one except Viking pessimists welcomes the image of a bearded, linen-clad Jehovah with a lightening bolt in hand, which explains my reflexive imagining of a bearded, linen-clad Jehovah with a lightening bolt in hand. Forces greater than ourselves are tonic for government chauvinism. The fine art of storm naming can creep into political expression, and my first two suggestions are inherently political: (1) The Annual December Cataclysm and (2) The Annual Once-a-Millennium Flood. Climate change, anyone? A shrewder suggestion may be “The 21st Amendment Anniversary Flood.” This is slightly off – Dec. 5 marked the 74th anniversary of Prohibition’s repeal. Nevertheless, it advances civic education – which Constitutional Amendment was that again? We also receive a subconscious dose of God the Toll Taker: “You guys want wet, I’ll give you wet.” Which brings us, circuitously, to the 21st Amendment Anniversary Storm’s first responders. In Snohomish County, we have a Department of Emergency Management as well as a chapter of the American Red Cross. We also have a well regarded (prepare for a focus-grouped title) Department of “Surface Water Management.” The acronym, SWIM, is inspired, although managing surface water evokes images of a half-dozen CPAs strolling around with clipboards monitoring a Japanese Garden. What would George Orwell say? “… The present political chaos is connected with the decay of language,” Orwell wrote in his 1946 essay, “Politics and the English Language.” If we throw these public servants a parade – and we should – we need to swap “SWIM” for “Flood Patrol.” We’ll all stand up and cheer for the Flood Patrol, and our late, disillusioned compatriot, George Orwell, would be thrilled.